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God Loves Ugly

Shadow Work, Scorpio Full Moon, Pluto Retrograde, Death & Transformation

I was driving to work this morning, having an internal discussion with myself on the importance of Shadow Work and the exquisite timing of a Pluto retrograde on the heels of a full super moon in Scorpio- when one of my favorite songs comes on- "God Loves Ugly" by Atmosphere. Lyrically, it hit different from the last time I heard it. Maybe this time I was really listening to the lyrics. Maybe its the moon. Maybe its Pluto's retrograde. Maybe it was all the espresso I had. Or maybe I was listening to it as a different person. Personally, I think it's a little of all four- especially the espresso. It's a strange and beautiful thing when we participate in the same experience that we have had before- and it feels like a new experience. That unique blend of familiar and novel is more than nostalgia, it's a marker of personal and spiritual evolution. If no two people experience the exact same thing the same way- then wouldn't that feeling of newness lend itself to the idea that you are not the same person? Even on a cellular level- we are physically not the same person we were 7 years ago for the most part. We don't notice this change because it is gradual. Cells are repaired and renewed in our sleep - in the dark, unnoticed.

Growth and rebirth are done in the dark.

Humans fear the dark, and for historically good reasons. There are things there that we can't see. Things that can hurt us. Things that have hurt us- recall the last time you stubbed your toe on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night. The dark cloaks real dangers, hiding them until it's likely too late. Predators hide in the dark, waiting to receive the brave body of any prey bold enough to wander out. Death lives in the dark. The monsters that hide in closets and under beds creep out when the lights go off to terrorize children hold residence here.

Ugly things live in the dark.

Yet, this is where we are repaired and experience growth on the most basic level. There is no light vs dark dualism in this space. Help vs harm, good vs bad, beauty vs ugliness are false dichotomies in this space because the two things are interdependent. It's almost as if god (spirit, the universe or whatever resonates with you) designed it that way to ensure that the bastardized dark isn't forgotten as being both powerful and worthy.

Its as if God loves ugly.

The proverbial dark is also where we hide our monstrous, scary, reckless, and ugly parts. We have a tendency to shove them down and away- hidden from the judgmental eyes of the world. If anyone were know all those secrets, past trauma*, hurts that have been endured and doled out- we would surely be swept into a sea of shame that we could never fully recover from. That's what we have managed to convince ourselves of anyway. Somewhere along the line we forgot about the interdependent relationship we have with the dark.

This is where we can find immense healing and growth.

This is where Shadow Work is done.

Let me be plain spoken- Shadow Work is hard. It's a continuous process that ends when you end. Sometimes it just fucking sucks.

It's also a place of deep, cathartic healing and integration. The things that we hide in the dark once served to protect us, so we hold onto them despite their depreciation in usefulness. Maybe deep down we know that there is still something useful in the things we hide away- there's something that can be salvaged and integrated. Shadow Work helps us see all parts and illuminates what parts we can salvage, or simply can't change. Just like most, but not all, of our cells are replaced every 7 years- some things in the shadow are a part of our core and benefit from honest integration. Some wounds leave a scar and we a given a choice: be the person that tries their best to hide the scar, or be the person that not only isn't ashamed, but tells a badass story about how it got there.

The current astrology is very supportive for diving deep, examining things until you get to the truth, death and transformation, and intense healing. This energy, kicked off by the full moon in Scorpio, will hang around as long at Pluto is in retrograde, for about four and a half more months. There is no FOMO here, no rush. Remember healing and integration is a continuous process that happens in the dark, and like cellular replacement in the body, it happens little by little almost unnoticed.

Next thing you know, one day, you hear a song you haven't in a long time and remember no matter how big your shadow gets, it’s never on top of you.

*trauma is subjective so don’t be a dick about someone else’s trauma if it’s not shocking to you

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